10th Grade, A Year I Don't Want to Repeat Ever Again.

They say that high school is the best four years of your life, and that you should cherish it. So, when is that going to start happening? I mean, I have thoroughly tried to enjoy this year. However, this year has completely sucked for me.

On top of finding out that I was going to be repeating 10th grade two days before school started, I have had to deal with more drama this year than I have dealt with in my entire life. I think I deserve a cookie, for how much I have had to restrain myself from punching all the annoying people that I hate. Two things I cannot tolerate are liars and stupid people, both of which flourish in our school.

Drama

Everyone goes through it, whether you're male, or female. It's not just a girl thing. Sure, we tend to blow things out of proportion, but we aren't the only criminals here. I like and let very few people into my life, and I trust even fewer. So when drama season begins, I tend to be more in the corner like this:

















I hate drama, and I do my best to avoid it. The funny part is, I have almost none of my own drama, I'm always being sucked into other people's. I can think of one bit of drama that was honestly mine this year. It appears though, that I am forever being pulled into everyone else's drama. Like, sorry, I really don't care that you and your boyfriend can't hang out today because he's thinking about getting back together with his ex.

Obviously, the solution is quite simple. I could just eliminate those people from my life. My problem, however, is that making friends has never been easy for me, so the few friends I do have, I like keeping close by.

Grounded

The thing about being grounded, is it gives you eons of time to think, reflect, and repent. I'm still paying for my actions, as we speak. It's funny how fast we can change. I remember, I was always the good girl in school; The one teachers loved and trusted, the nice, quiet girl, and the girl parents liked. That quickly changed, however, once I started dying my hair black and wearing eyeliner. It's funny how your appearance can change or "determine" who you are. The minute I changed my look slightly, I was emo, gothic, and a bad girl. So, I decided once I was a "bad" girl, I might as well show people what bad is. So, I became hateful, rude, and rebellious. I'm still slightly in the rebellious stage.

Around October, specifically October 28, I was told I was grounded. I spent 4 months, or 121 days grounded, stuck in the house, paying fairly for my punishment. I had no problem with that. I understood that it was indeed my fault, and that I deserved to be grounded. You see, I had lied to my guardians, and hung out with a girl who they had expressly told me to stay away from.

I got ungrounded for a week, and then was told I was grounded one more week, which I though was fair, because the thing I was being punished for was my fault. Well, before my week of grounding was up, I was grounded again until further notice.

This time, I'm not too pleased about it, because the thing I'm being grounded for was not my fault.
I won't get too specific, because it's not my story to tell. We'll just say that a family member began indulging in drugs and cutting. They decided it would be a super smart idea to smoke with their stepsister, who is 10, a bible thumper, and a snitch.

Please explain to me how that's my fault? I didn't hand them drugs and say "Hey, smoking is really awesome! If you don't do drugs, you're not cool, and I'll hate you." That was their decision, which they're being punished for. The cutting thing… I'm sorry that they saw my scars. But, it's not like I can hide them forever. They will appear from time to time, because most of them are on my wrists, and I'm not hiding who I am because of the marks of my past. I didn't teach them how to cut, nor did I condone their cutting.

I fail to see how any of this is my fault. It's not my problem that their child is stupid and obviously can't think for herself or use common sense. You know, common sense should almost be treated as a superpower, because apparently only a select few have it.

Losing Myself

When you enter high school, you begin searching for who you really are. You diverge from your parents interests, and begin finding the stuff you like. I've been searching for myself for many years, and even now, I'm still not entirely sure who I am. It's like standing in the middle of two separating paths, one with who you are, and the other with who you want to be. So, at present, I'm still searching for who I really am.

What I hate, however, is that people can't seem to accept me for who I am. Obviously, that's normal, but the part that hurts me the most is that my own family can't seem to accept who I am. If my shorts don't go down to my knees, they're way too short. My guardian told me that my shorts make me look like a  (insert degrading and insulting word here). The funny thing is, he never cared before.

Now, I'm not allowed to wear pajamas to school, do my hair a certain way, wear certain colors of makeup, or dress how I want. I'm sorry that I don't dress like a nun, but I like to think that my clothing is still acceptable. I don't wear crop-tops, tube tops, mini-skirts, or shorts that show off my personal areas, if you get my drift. I don't wear super long dresses, or dresses at all really, but at least I leave a little to the imagination.

I'm so sick of people telling me how I should be and should look. I know I'm not the prettiest, or the smartest, or the nicest. But I learned that caring about looks gets you nowhere, because looks will eventually fade. I learned that being nice gets you in situations where you're always taken advantage of. So, at one point, I decided to try being more responsible and nicer to people. But do you know what happened? I was still mean, I was still irresponsible, and I basically amounted to maggots in dog poop in the eyes of everyone else. So, call me what you want, because I no longer care. I am me, and I'm not changing so others will like me.

Classes
I've never been the top scholar in my class, but I've always gotten decent marks. Until this year, that is. I've never had an F in my life, until I re-started school here. I currently have an F in history, because I do badly on his pop quizzes. I never had to study before. I always got A's and B's. I officially hate how hard I have to work in school to stay on top of things. And no matter how much I try, it's never good enough. My guardians still expect straight A's, even though they know math is my weakest subject. I've never been good at math.

What do you hate about high school? Let me know in the comments below!
Until the next rant,
-Enlightening Tale Brethren.